My least favorite place to purge is a toilet. And the worst sort? Public toilets. It’s sickening, leaning over a toilet where hundreds, if not thousands, of people have peed in and pooped in, and the loo water and vomit is splashing up onto your face, and you just feel like crying, and you wonder- is it really worth it? Unfortunately, the answer is yes.
Ana comes above everything- including your dignity. So I swallow my pride, and bend over a toilet, trying to purge quietly. After, I have to wipe up the mess on the sides of the toilet bowl, and flush.
Once, at a party, the toilet wouldn’t flush, and my friend was knocking on the door asking (yelling at) me to hurry up. I was just staring, horrified, at the vomit bobbing around on the surface, and I thought- crap! This is it! Then I remembered a story on an anorexia site where a woman was in a similar situation, and I did what she did. I chucked in a ton of toilet paper, and told my friend that it wouldn’t flush.
When I say I purge in toilets, do you imagine me on my knees, bending over the toilet bowl? Well, that’s actually wrong. Any anorexic/bulimic that’s ever done any research will be able to tell you that kneeling isn’t a good position. Besides the floor been uncomfortable for your poor knees, it’s better to have your head lower then your stomach- it’s gravity, people! If you kneel it will take longer and be harder to get everything up. If you stand and bend, it comes up a lot quicker, and a lot more at once.
Another little thing that bugs me- people often imagine that it only takes one vomit to get everything up. WRONG! You might have to coax your body to purge nearly twenty times before you get everything up. I’d say, for me, it’s about five vomits minimum before I start getting all bile, no food.
Purging is a closely kept secret, because it’s so shameful. It’s hard to write about, I feel disgusting when I write about it. But as I’ve just purged in a public toilet, I thought I’d write while the memory is still fresh (and vivid).
Thanks for reading this, whoever has taken the time to!